He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
