the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
