I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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