Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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