how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You pole danced in your parka.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
