she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
