You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
