and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
