I love black thongs
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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