So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
