I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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