Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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