If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
