she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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