I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
