u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
