i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
