I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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