so explain again why im purple
no
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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