i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The uberlube is also flammable
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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