I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
handjob tips. give me some.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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