Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
