So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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