i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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