Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
