i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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