Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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