I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
