Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
