hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
