just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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