if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
