She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's shark week go big or go home
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
