It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
