remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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