So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
