I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
