i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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