i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
