He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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