I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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