I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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