so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
