We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
