I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize