you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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