She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
