i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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