I skipped work to stalk him.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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