If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
