His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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