just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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