My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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