So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
