It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
