so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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