I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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