I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We need a shit load of segways right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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