WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
id be glad to
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize