I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
