Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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