is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
