it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
