So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
