I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
