He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
