My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
