Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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